The world’s worst IT pro ‒ Could it be Anchorman Ron Burgundy?

By Rich Kaplan and Caerley Hill

By Odin’s Hammer! Anchorman 2 hits theaters this week. The newsman in the crimson polyester sports coat is returning to please the crowds and deliver another 119 minutes of screaming laughs on screen.

World's worst IT team?

World’s worst IT team?

But just maybe you better lock up your doors (and your lady friends), ‘cause if you run an IT team, this is one guy who you would rather not touch your networks, hardware or even mobile apps. As an IT pro, that majestic mustachio would wear out his welcome faster than a Storm Worm computer virus.

In the buildup to the film’s release, Will Ferrell in his role as Anchorman Ron Burgundy has been storming the country. He’s brought his unique turn of phrase and winning personality to local news casts. His new cologne Sex Panther smells of leather-bound books, rich mahogany and an entire wheel of cheese. He’s used his man-tastic machismo to impress us into buying jockey shorts (don’t act like you weren’t impressed).

But to repeat, there’s one area of modern business that can do without Mr. Burgundy: IT support. Because to tell the truth, Ron Burgundy coming to my business and delivering support is like Brick Tamland trying to do math – a terrible idea, whether you’re an SMB or enterprise.

In fact, there are 5 big reasons why Ron Burgundy would make the world’s worst IT pro:

A legend in his own mind

A legend in his own mind

1. He’s all show, no work. All blow-dried hair and manicured appearance, Ron never saw a scene he didn’t want to steal, nor a mirror in which he didn’t double-check his devilishly handsome good looks. Yes, Ron is a legend in his own mind. He’s the precise opposite of IT support, which is all about hard labor behind the scenes and not about getting noticed. It’s deeds and not words that count with IT pros. Their mission is to ensure the business can perform and thrive. They’ve done studies and 100 percent of the time, this works every time.

2. He’s flat-out ignorant. Ron offers a dangerous mix of pompous know-it-all and self-absorbed ignorance (but we can all agree his velvety smooth jazz flute is like warm, sticky honey in your ears). He is definitely not going to take the time to discover what your business needs are, nor what the tech issue is. In contrast, modern-day IT service management keeps things classy by always aligning with the needs of the business and the customer’s experience.

Yes, his cell phone is bigger than yours -- Martin Cooper, cell phone inventor,  in 1973

Yes, his cell phone is bigger than yours — Martin Cooper, cell phone inventor, in 1973

3. He’s behind the times (by a couple of decades). There hasn’t been a bit of modern progress that hasn’t thrown Ron for a loop, whether it’s female bosses, gay workmates or Hispanic customers. Ron – the 1970s are calling and want you back. The same goes for technology. By King Triton’s trident, Burgundy thinks smartphones are just a fancy electronic conch shell to assemble his team of righteous anchormen! To Ron, networks are and always will be the “Big 3” – ABC, NBC and CBS. But top-performing IT managers or consultants live or die by staying on top of tech trends, whether it’s mobile, seamlessly integrated IT tools or ITIL-based tools.

4. He’s terrible at teamwork. In Anchorman 1, Ron and his sometimes lover and sometimes news-desk rival Miss Veronica Corningstone lie, cheat, malign, backstab and literally toss their colleague to the (zoo) animals in their competition to become top anchor. But IT teams are just that – teams. They depend upon routine and flexible collaboration and the sharing of necessary information in the most transparent fashion to achieve maximum productivity. As Mr. Burgundy might pontificate, “There isn’t an ‘I’ in ‘IT.’ Oh wait, there is you say? Well then, there certainly is.”

Ron Burgundy matches wits and staring power with a horse in an ad for Dodge Durango.

Ron Burgundy matches wits and staring power with a horse in an ad for Dodge Durango.

5. He’s simpleminded. The reasoned investigation of issues is not Ron Burgundy’s typical tactic, whether he’s hunting for answers or defending his honor in a fight to the death. But whether it’s the planning of new server upgrades or the tracking down of issues, IT pros are known for their analytical probing minds and their aversion to blindly following what others tell them is right or wrong.

No! We don’t think Ron Burgundy would fit in when it comes to IT service solutions. His malarkey just wouldn’t fly when trying to build a world class, top-notch team. So you stay classy Mighty IT Pros, because by the Great Gate’s pocket protector, you’re amazing!

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