Sincerely Yours, World’s Greatest Dad Mug

By Caerley Hill

Dear Internet,

I would like to begin this short letter with an old yet trustworthy phrase: in my day. You see, in my day there was no Internet of Things. There were no devices to pilot homes from, while simultaneously having your international news tweeted at you. No, in my day you got up early to hear the tweets of actual birds, while fumbling around on the freezing cold porch in search of the morning paper that you swear the neighbors were getting.

Nowadays it seems that conversations take place in the cloud, and we telecommute into the office to avoid interfacing with other commuters on our way to the future. So where does it all end, Internet?mug

As we approach Father’s Day, I fear that you will win yet again, my seemingly insoluble foe. You superficially offer greater selection and a more transparent, consumer-driven marketplace. But whatever happened to the good old days.

Today’s photos are too accessible. You can insta-snap and store your photos online for the entire world to see, or you could make cute coasters and magnets with your kids’ faces all over them. In my day you had to really be prepared to capture the perfect moment. You carried around equipment, because equipment is manly. You waited (sometimes days) for those photos to be developed.

And whatever happened to cords? When did they become our enemy? Just because they tie us to an area doesn’t mean we should banish them. Why is everyone so focused on mobility? In the golden years, you had to walk to find a phone if you needed to make a call — there weren’t products like Bluetooth-enabled wireless speakers or HDMI pocket projectors.

I am not penning this letter to be accusatory, Internet, but you are making it very difficult for other gifts to compete. You’re even offering wearable technology that has the potential to turn the average man into James Bond, and let’s not even start on all the cool, geeky toys for Dads you offer (complete with 2-day shipping).

In conclusion, high-tech toys might be the new fad, but they are fleeting, and Dads will always be thirsty.

Sincerely,
World’s Greatest Dad Mug

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